From the trailer of “Abigail”, one can set the expectations, or ‘Abigail’ as described in the teaser, is a humorous and extreme thriller which unfolds the story of the kidnappers who indeed get more than they bargain for by capturing a vampire ballerina sized kid, there is a lovely twist that turns things upside down. It should be noted that the child vampire, portrayed by Alisha Weir, gets in the action only when she is gloating or shadows her prey. Some genre fans will also recognize some familiar faces among the ensemble cast movie, who try their best with this annoying, annoying material. They swear (not enough to appear overcompensate for some things in the first place); they run (around one another, mostly); they are killed in a row.
If you have come to ‘Abigail’ to see a body count capping action where That Guys includes character actors; You know what you are in here for, people like Kevin Durand and Dan Stevens are mostly body count capping actors, and most of their co stars don’t catch up as there are no less attractive characters. There is also a viscous mouth of blood and a few pieces of good looking vampire faces, particularly the teeth. There are some action scenes that are quite well choreographed but almost always overly cut and shot not quite at the object that is in motion but a little to the front of it.
It is difficult to remain or get furious with ‘Abigail’ for really presenting everything that was marketed about the film. Sure, the movie was made by a bunch of directors Matt Bettinelli Olin and Tyler Gillett aka Radio Silence known for ‘Ready or Not’ and the 2022 remade instance of ‘Scream’, and they could have also been providing more. So disaffected audiences cannot technically complain about false advertising. The premise is formulaic and all stock characters are present.
A bush-league crew quarrels about the kidnapping of the title character, Weir. Hilariously, they stick a large contraption to one of the cars in her chauffeur’s vehicle and stalk it back to her origin. Afterwards, they take a girl who appears to be around 12 to a distant house where they are informed about the purpose of their undertaking. The silver tongued but important looking bloke from his 713 steadies a guy called Lambert, explains to both us and them, no real name, no healer, not a single personal item, nothing it’s 24 hours of babysitting a rather juvenile looking girl who is fascinated with plié and step toe and quite unbelievably enjoys ‘rehearsing’ this number, for which unfortunately sparks the modern day rendition of ‘Swan Lake’. Things that are easy go on easily.
This makes it all the more puzzling that we know so barely about everyone thanks in no small part to the Rajab Ian brother’s decision to have Lambert nickname the characters after members of the Rat Pack. The wiry muscle bro character played by Durand named Peter tries to make sense of why a retained nickname is connected to rats. He understands that it is a throwaway pop cultural reference and moves on from the issue.
In a sense, Peter is the most relatable character in “Abigail” in part because he is always pushing the boundaries of what his role is supposed to be able to know and do. He is accompanied by a host of tropes such as Abigail’s babysitter, Joey who cuts an understanding but is also observant (Melissa Barrera); their annoying and wasted chauffeur Dean (the late “Euphoria” star Angus Cloud); and the taciturn ex soldier Rickles (William Catlett). Naturally, however, the team eventually had to contend not just with Abigail, but several other predictable liabilities, including their petulant, terminally bored hacker with a thing for electronics Sammy (Kathryn Newton), and their grumpy, absurdly accented ex-cop team leader Frank (Stevens).
Any of these party game light gags hardly matters or ever becomes useful once Abigail breaks loose from the restraints. The typical residence of her prey has some character, but it is essentially just another Clue but with the hint of gothic rejuvenation. Perhaps that is already enough to make you want to see a cast of a game use one cliche after another in the hopes of overcoming a ‘real’ vampire and its more of the same without the multiplicity of drawbacks worth mention.
It’s rather uncomfortable looking at so many good actors and watching them struggle to hope that they do not make you care for their characters and with the latter not being the same meaning. There were many things to handle, that dialogs uninteresting were and slow to say the least. Skills of Joey had a lot more potential, especially before the moment when she deep sixes a gun into her jeans’ waistband. I tend and tend not to believe it.
Presented in an unappealing way, it is difficult to picture ‘Abigail’ finding its audience unless a combination of factors come together in a wishful manner. There’s nothing notable about its production, just that it’s rather average and worn out. “Abigail” might pique your interest if you enjoy low budget B movies and are in the mood for an effortless experience. However, it’s also quite possible in that case that you’ll be disappointed with “Abigail,” in particular if your expectations are too high.
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